That makes your ass look big…

A sentence that those of us with WAGS should never utter aloud is my synopsis of the Gators’ Red Zone offense against Bama… and this year for that matter.

I’ve been thinking lately about the concept of “peaking”. The idea came to mind as I saunter around the University of Florida campus on a daily basis. During my days, I will typically come across students running, working out, heading to class, and from time to time I will pass sorority and fraternity row and see the “Sundress sillies” or a handful of shirtless guys just doing nothing on their front lawns.

It dawned on me that give or take 6 to 18 months or so, at the moment that I lay eyes on this woman in her new yellow sundress or this young man throwing the football around with his friends, that is THE BEST they will probably ever look and feel in their lives. EVER. That small window of time between 18-21 years old is the brightest that their star will ever shine.

You recover from night of drinking faster, your skin is fantastic, you’re fast, your boobs are as perky as they’ll ever be, your ass is right where you want it to be… and if it’s not, you can do something about it still. That 4 year window is essentially where you’re likely to develop your “Best Visualized self”. In all your dreams or visualizations of yourself, it’s you at that age and look. It’s a great place to be… and it is indeed you… but at 22 and 23 years old you peak. If you’re really good, nobody will be able to tell the difference for several years. You still look like you, but you’re a step slower… you’re getting a little gray… crows feet… you’re gaining weight (not necessarily getting fat… yet… just gaining weight). Things are just a little different and before you know it, you’ve had kids, your working 60+ hours/week, you barely have a minute for your own life anymore and you barely want to brush your teeth or do your hair and you’re rocking sweatpants every chance you get.

I bring this up ’cause while watching these young Greek gods and goddesses roam around campus and realizing that they have peaked, I think the same is true of Gator Football (and the entire sports program if you think of it).

Since 2006, we’ve been treated to 2 football titles, 2 basketball titles and an array of “Final Four type” scenarios for a slew of our non-revenue generating sports. We’ve had probably the best football player in Florida football history and the most popular player in College Football history playing on the same team (Percy Harvin and Tim Tebow… yeah I went there). Percy changed the game in such a unique way that we’ve created a position name that nobody can fill except him. Tebow happened to be the best possible player to play in THIS offense with the weapons he had. 2006-2009, we peaked. We beat everybody’s brains out, save for the 2007 season (when we let teams scores so we could watch Tebow with the ball more often) and have reached our “Best Visualized Self”. (BVS)

It appears the Florida football’s ass has gotten a little fat this year (laugh, but you’ve all said that about someone after a summer of not seeing them when you were in school). Our BVS is so askew that we ran both the QB dive and Jump pass with Trey Burton against Bama last night (with zero success). It was an abject disaster. It was the real life equivalent of the girl who in her senior year threw on the dress she wore to Preview as a freshman and it just didn’t quite fit the same.

Subtle… but a little tight in some places.

My point is… Florida needs to get some new clothes.

We know that things would be different without 15 as the starter and I’ve heard folks say, we’ll go back to the 2006 offense with Leak and… oh yeah, #15.

Whatever you have to do, get some new clothes. Cover yourself up if you must, get a hat, get a nose job, go to the gym… whatever it is. The peak years are gone and some things need to be done differently.

Just do something Gators… cause this dress makes your ass look big.

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2 Responses to That makes your ass look big…

  1. Ian G says:

    …likes this…

  2. Pingback: Bourbon Meyer | Finding “Patient Zero”

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