Dear Chris Petersen,
We’ve been watching your work at Boise State University and have decided that it’s time for a change. We love that you look just like Billy Bob Thornton and have fooled most of America into thinking that you’re a “trickeration” team, when really, you’re a power football offense. I thought it was time to point out of few things to you.
1.) Your team is something like 756-4 in the last 6 seasons and you haven’t sniffed a shot at a National title.
2.) Your team was preseason #3 this year and you lost one game on the road to the #15 ranked BCS team in double OT cause you missed a FG by an inch and now you’re in a Dec. 22 bowl game.
3.) We lost 5 games and looked awful doing it and we’re playing on New Years Day.
4.) Everyone hates your blue turf field. It’s ugly. Seriously.
5.) We haven’t played a non-Saturday game in about 100 years. Your team seems to play just about every day of the week except Saturdays.
6.) Our last coach was from “out yonder” where you are and he did pretty good here.
What time should I pick you up from Gainesville airport?
Don’t bother changing your shirt and tie colors. Orange and Blue looks good on you.