Jon Halapio’s interview with the Cleveland Browns

Former Florida offensive lineman Jon Halapio is spending the week preparing for the Senior Bowl this weekend. And while there, he was asked by the Cleveland Browns to list all the things he would do with a brick according to this tweet by South Florida Sun Sentinel columnist, Omar Kelly. Now, I know every NFL team asks draft prospects these kind of off-the-wall questions to get them to think a little and keep them on their toes, but when you’ve been at the bottom of the league for quite some time and you’re having trouble finding a head coach, it’s not a good look. But since they asked, I would like to give them my answers because I can think of a butt load of things I can do with a brick. I fully expect to be their first round draft pick come April after they read this. The first few answers on this list I tweeted earlier.

-Give it a headset and name it your coach.

-Trade it for a football and score a touchdown. Something your fans haven’t seen much of.

-Hit Ben Roethlisberger with it. Is that the answer you were looking for?

-Put a Brandon Weeden jersey on it. Stand them side by side and see if anyone can tell the difference.

-Hold your city hostage with it until my demands are met to get me out of your city.

-Hand it off to Earnest Byner and watch him fumble it.

-Eat it.

-Have sex with it?

-Break it up into smaller pieces to share with my teammates because that’s the kind of guy I am.

-Tie it to the gas pedal of my car and drive it into a lake to fake my death rather than play for your organization.

-Plant it in the ground so that future generations can have a brick tree of their own.

-Smash ants.

-Trade it to the Colts for more draft picks.

-Hurl it through a store window.

-Co-star in a buddy cop movie.

-Teach it to hate LeBron James.

-Hit myself in the head with it until I’m dead, you know, because I’m in Cleveland and all.

-Glue a pair of googly eyes on it and sell it for a million dollars.

-Use it as a fetch toy for some of your Dawg Pound fans.

-Pretend it’s an old ‘80s cell phone for a few good laughs.

-Hold the brick behind me and squat down and drop the brick so it looks like I’m literally shitting bricks for a few good laughs.

-Use it as a babysitter.

-Give it to Jim Brown and watch him punch it to dust.

-Use it as a loofah.

-Develop an unhealthy emotional connection to it that makes people uncomfortable. Alienate and cry out that those people are just jealous of what brick and I have. Go through a nasty, very public, falling out with the brick. Make amends with everyone you shunned.

-Encourage it to be a Bengals fan. On second thought, encourage it to avoid Ohio football.

-Move it to Baltimore.


Post by Blake Edwards (formerly known as The Unsportsmanlike Gentleman). He’s famous for the Muschamp Intensity Meter.

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