Irreconcilable Differences. The Breakup. Splitsville.
After achieving a dreadfully boring 26-26-1 record against the spread through the season thus far, Sam has gone the way of Cher and is no longer with Sonny. This column is no longer a marriage of minds, but rather a battle of (or the lack of) wits.
Assets have been divided. Sam maintains custody of his right hand, which seems to influence most of his columns. He also maintains custody of his left hand, which influences the rest of his columns and reportedly ‘feels like some strange.’
I, Sonny, have held on to a pair of jean shorts and an orange, screen print tank top. I’ve also maintained my right to start drinking at 10 AM EDT on Florida-Georgia day, despite the crooked looks I’m getting from the warden at this moment. Let’s hope I can keep the skis under control and make it down the mountain. And so let these liquor-and-scrambled eggs-influenced picks commence!
East Carolina +7.5 over UCF. Believe it or not, this is the game of the century in Conference USA. The winner of this game most likely hosts the C-USA championship game. Yes, there is a C-USA championship game. ECU has enough of an air attack to at least keep this close, but I’m calling for a Sexy Pirate win on Halloween weekend.
Michigan St. +6.5 over IOWA. All the pundits, all the money… all on the Hawkeyes. Just the way Dantonio likes it. How can you bet against BIG F-ING NUTS! I’m expecting a fake kickoff for a touchdown to start for the Spartans.
ARKANSAS -20.5 over Vandy. Arkansas should feast on the ‘Dores at home today.
Missouri +7.5 over NEBRASKA. There has been a trend of predicting ‘let down’ games this year in Vegas. Normally, I would play with that, but 7.5 points? That’s enough to motivate the Tigers on the road. Much like Michigan State, nobody is paying respect even though it has been earned on the field.
Auburn -7 over OLE MISS. Even though Masoli brings the experience of 2 arrests and a guilty plea over Cam’s lonely arrest, Auburn will blow Ole Miss away. Rebels can not stop the run. Cam’s been running ever since he dropped the lap top out of the car window.
Sonny -4 over Sam. Good luck, homey!