Gator “Summer Nights”

[scene opens with defensive coaches sitting in bleachers after practice chatting] Defense DJ Durkin: “Hey, I wanna hear about what Will did in the offseason.” [The other defensive coaches begin to clamor] Will Muschamp: “Ah, it was nothing.” Brad Lawing: “Aw, sure, nothing, Muschamp, right?” Travaris Robinson: “C’mon, Will. You got a new offensive coordinator, right?” Durkin: “Yeah, c’mon, c’mon, tell us about that OC.” [cut to the offensive coaches in the cafeteria] Offense Chris Leak: “What’d you do this offseason, Kurt?” Kurt Roper: “Oh, I spent most of it here in Gainesville. I met a coach here.” Brian White: “You hauled your cookies all the way here to Gainesville for some coach?” Roper: “He was sorta special.” White: “There ain’t no such thing.” Roper: “He was really likable.” [cut back to defensive coaches begging Muschamp for details] Muschamp: “C’mon, you don’t wanna hear all the boring details.” [The coaches continue to prod him] Muschamp: “Alright! I’ll tell you!”

♫ Offseason love had me a blast Offseason love happened so fast I met an OC crazy for me Met a coach sad as can be

Pro-style days drifting away To, uh oh, those up-tempo nights

Well-a well-a well-a huh Will we score, will we score? Will we get very far? Will we score, will we score? Is Jeff Driskel a star?

He came from Duke, looked good in camp He called me up, “This is Muschamp.” Please save my job, I’m going to drown He needs points, and some first downs

Summer sun, something’s begun But, oh, oh, the up-tempo nights

Well-a well-a well-a huh Will we score, will we score? Can you fix this shit show? Will we score, will we score? Will we beat Idaho?

Gonna throw deep touchdowns all day We’ll hurry up and run every play Scoring points would be a shock Let’s all pray that the line blocks

The spring game, don’t mean a thing But, oh, oh, the up-tempo nights

Will we score, will we score? We’ve got some tricks in the bag Will we score, will we score? Last year made us all gag

We”ll score fifty with so much ease We’ll all forget about Brent Pease Will said he won’t intervene Kurt is good, you know what I mean?

Summer heat, two coaches meet But, oh, oh, the up-tempo nights

Will we score, will we score? Are we bucking the trend? Will we score, will we score? Tell me, how does this end?

The season nears, time to compete This has to work or we’re deadmeat Then we made our coaching vow We know we have to win now

Pro-style dreams ripped at the seams But, oh, oh, those up-tempo niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiights Will we score, will we scoooooorrrrrrrre? ♫

– This exercise in creative writing was done by Blake Edwards and the creator of the Muschamp Intensity Meter.

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