Breaking Even is Like Kissing Your Sister

The handicapping mind-meld of Sonny Beam and Sam McCorkle has brought you two exhilarating weeks of .500 predictions.  Of course, we had to sweat out the Idaho game last week since Nebraska had already covered after 30 minutes of football.  I know I wrote in our introduction week that breaking even is the goal since it is all about fun, but f*&# that!  We’re writing a column here.  We need to be bold and sexy!  Or asinine and terrible!  We don’t want to be the guy in the ‘PG-13’ movie that everyone really hopes to make it happen.  We want to be the guy in the ‘R’ movie that nobody is really sure they like yet.  We are a bad, bad man.

Unnecessary disclosure of humiliation: It should be noted that my wife has hit 75% of her picks against the spread in the first two weeks.  If she’s still up there after this week, this is now her show.  McCorkle and I will step down.  Unfortunately, she’s only playing for fun.  If she’s going to make me look like an idiot, the least she could do is bring home some booty!  Any kind of booty would be nice, actually.

On to the bold and sexy (or asinine and terrible) picks for your Saturday:

PENN ST -21 v Kent St:  Now that PSU got that exhibition game out of the way against a big league team, they can now settle in on their Big MAC 10 schedule.  First up, the Golden Flashes, who muddle in MAC mediocrity year after year.  Look for Penn State to make themselves feel better about themselves.

Ecu +20 VA TECH : The Hokies found it really difficult to rebound from a heartbreaking loss against Boise last week.  Think it might be even more difficult to rebound from a loss to the Dukes, who participate in what is supposed to be a completely inferior subculture of college football?  ARRRRRRRRRR!

Bama -24 DUKE: Darth Saban is selling a Lou Holtz fantasy this week by pumping up the Blue Devils offense after putting up 48 on Wake (and giving up 54!).  Perhaps Saban forgot that Duke won’t be raining down threes over his 3-4 defense in Cameron this weekend.  I suppose he has to keep his juggernaut of a team interested.  While this appears as road game on the schedule, Duke’s high school stadium will feel like a mini-Bryant-Denny.  Speaking of Saban, can we get this guy off of ESPN?  He’s in every 5-star recruit’s living room every week.

MICH ST -3 Irish: The Spartans run.  The Irish can’t stop the run.  Not buying the Michigan hype.  Not impressed with a victory over a soft Purdue win.  Sparty by a couple TDs.

ARIZONA +1 Iowa:  We love a dog at home.  Zona is a sleeper pick for a couple respectable players this year.  Take the Cats and a point!

That’s it for this week.  5 games.  Expect 2 wins, 2 losses and a push to keep us puckering up for our sisters!

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