Semi-Live Gator Diary for Miami (OH)

So we’ll give this a whirl.  Diary  watching the game.

11:15 – arrive at the Gator Watching Spot for this week (Literally we are downtown…I can see the Washington Monument).  I think the parking garage is going to whore me for $16.

11:25 – First drink poured.  This author is starting with a Pepsi Throwback and Bourbon.  And since his wife reads this blog there will be no more mention of adult beverage intake for the rest of this diary.

11:35 – ESPN is slamming Notre Dame via a pre-taped montage…  “…all that is left are relics…” …. OUCH!!!  It’s pretty much awesome!

11:40 – ESPN is showing LSU Tigers dominate each other via a 1 on 1 tackling drill.  Note they didn’t show Jordan Jefferson throw any passes during practice (he stinks).

11:43 – Just Kidding.  Desmond just shows 2 minutes of Jefferson throwing INT’s.  Awesome!

11:51 – The Drill Sargent from Full Metal Jacket makes a College Game Day appearance.  Is there anyone who has milked a character longer in Hollywood?

11:56 – FSU’s racist spear planting showing on ESPNU.  How do they still get away with that shit.

11:59 – Don’t care about the Game Day picks.  Although it is amusing that Big Boi from Outkast is on.  Awkward.  My guess…first gator frame will be Brantley warming up.

12:01 – I was wrong.  It was the special teams huddling.  We are wearing blue tops and white pants.

12:02 – The 2010 season has begun.  Sturgis with the kick-off Miami (OH) returns it to the 29.

12:03 – SCREEN!!!!!!  Come on defense!!!  We just gave up 9 yards.

12:06 – Jay Howard with the sack on 3rd and 10.  Punt bitches!!!

12:07 – Miami (OH) screwed up their punt.  Gators with the ball at the 43 yard line.

12:08 – Pouncey just had the worst snap of his life on 3rd and 10.  Miami (OH) recovers on the Gators 24 yard line.  YES IT WAS THAT BAD.  UGH!!!!

12:13 – Brett Farve’s over-used Wrangler Commercial from 3 retirements ago is playing.

12:16 – Gators stop the bad guys on 3rd down.  So they kick a field goal.  Gators down 0 – 3.

12:17 – Suh’s hunting QB commercial is on.  We never see man-boobs.

12:19 – Miami (OH)’s kicking game blows.  Gators return to the 41.

12:21 – Demps makes a catch on 3rd down, but the spot says the Gators are short. But they go for it on 4th, and are stopped.  Offsides penalty saves us.  Gator 1st down.

12:23 – D. Thompson drops a TD pass.  DAGGER!!!!  Brantley is pissed.  Next pass and Rainey catches it and fumbles it.  2nd Turnover.

12:27 – Bostic with an INT.  Great play on 3rd down.  Gator ball!

12:31 – This is our 3rd offensive possession, if we don’t put some points up then Bourbon Meyer’s fingers will be stretching for the panic button.

12:35 – We went for it on 4th down and Moody muffs the pitch. WTF??  What is wrong with us?  This isn’t the University of Miami.  Aaaaaahhhhh!!!

12:44 – On Full Tilt!!!  Miami (OH) fakes the punt and gets it.  Right now Urban Meyer is thinking…”I can’t trust my coaching staff…time to lose 40 lbs and not sleep for weeks.”

12:48 – We don’t need an offense.  Ja. Jenkins with an INT and a TD.  Woot!!!  All those with #1 Florida Jersey’s feel vindicated for their purchases.

12:55 – Miami (OH) fakes another punt, this time on their side of the field.  FAIL!  You are in the game and you fake it on your side of the field.  Sheesh…don’t give up yet.

1:00 – Florida takes the short field and scores.  Brantley to Hines.  Yes sir!!!!  Took us until the 2nd Quarter but we’ve broken the seal.

1:07 – Ahmad Black gets an INT and returns it to the 4 yard line.  #34 for Miami (OH) caught a personal foul and has been ejected from the game.  Can’t throw a punch no matter how pissed you are.

1:08 – Gators in I-formation we haven’t had a real snap (not a kneel down) in like 10-12 years.  Unsuccessful.

1:09 – Trey Burton takes the snap out of the Pistol formation and runs it in.  Thank goodness we have a Tebow-like guy this year. Extra Point is money!  21-3 Gators.

1:17 – Double end around by Miami (OH)…we don’t fall for it.  2nd and 19.

1:20 – ESPN airs a “Go Gators Commercial”.  Promptly followed by a Miami (OH) commercial.  The commercials are metaphors for the skill level of the football teams.

1:22 – ESPN pulls a Jefferson Pilot and comes back from a commercial late.  We missed an entire play.

1:25 – Miami (OH) kicks a field goal.  It’s more or less halftime.  21-6 Gators.  Time to pee.

1:55 – First series of the half and we go for it on 4th and 5 and don’t get it.  Nothing is working out all that well on offense.

1:57 – Trattou with a nice hit on the Miami (OH) QB.  It spurns a discussion on his ethnicity.  Any guesses out there?

2:01 – Another awful snap.  3rd and 31.  Ugh!

2:01 – Risky pass and a safety should have happened….Seriously!!!  Punting out of the endzone.  :: slaps forehead ::

2:06 – Punting out of the endzone.  It goes like 30 yards at best, and Moses Jenkins is hurt.  Seriously, this game is not enjoyable.

2:11 – Miami (OH) threatening.  Kicks another field goal.  21-9.

2:14 – While a female conversation is happening about Urban Meyer’s weight….Gillislee has a fantastic run back.  BTW….we have less than 30 total yards in this game on Offense.

2:17 – 4th down again already.  Guess what?  We are going for it.  Quick pass to Deonte Thompson for the 1st down.

2:18 – Brantley and Moody screw the hand off up.  Fumble recovered by Brantley.  Is the ball greased?

2:20 – 4th down again after Moore can’t real one in in the endzone.  Field goal was completely shanked.  This is by far the worst game on offense that Bourbon Meyer has ever seen!!!

2:24 – Off-setting personal fouls.  The ref that looks like the guy from “The Shield” with the call.

2:26 – Another off-setting penalty that hurts the Gators.  Thank you Michael Chiklis.

2:29 – We sing we “Are the Boys”.  It’s a bit lackluster, but it fits the Gator-game-tempo.

2:33 – Miami (OH) is threatening YET AGAIN.  They are jacked up.  Illegal shift…way to go.  Chill out.

2:34 – Pass is batted down by A.J. Jones.  It’s 3rd down.  Guys with initials for first names are cool.

2:35 – Pass successful, down to the 1 yard line.  Penalty flag. It goes against Miami (OH).  Personal Foul.  4th and goal from the 16th.

2:36 – Yet another “money” field goal.  21-12 Gators.

2:44 – Finally.  Demps for 6.  70+ yards on that TD.  Too the short side of the field.  Woot!  Of course we doink the extra point.  Sturgis is having a bad game.  Deamps, thank you for tripling our offensive production.

2:49 – Jay Howard with his 2nd sack.  The defense is on bend but do not break duty.  4th Down.  Penalty (false start).  Back it up.

2:51 – PUNT (no fake)!  Chris Rainey with a light return.

2:58 –  One pass gets us in Miami (OH) territory.  Great catch Hines.  Brantley’s next pass is overthrown a bit.

3:00 – Short pass to Thompson.  He reels it in.  Cut to a pre-recorded interview with Urban.  We don’t learn anything from it so we won’t comment on it here.

3:01 – Two bad plays gets us to 3rd and 15.  Bad screen pass and now it’s 4th.  James Wilson (Guard) is down on the field.  Injury and a punt.  This is a tough game to watch.  Quick someone count how many times we’ve said that.

3:04 – Nice pitch and catch to Hines.  1st down.  We just went for it on 4th and 15.  Whoa!!!

3:05 – Nice run play but Gillislee fumbled it and Miami (OH) recovers.  :: slaps forehead :: seriously!!!!!

3:07 – We challenge the fumble and FAIL!!!!

3:09 – 3rd down and 2 for Miami (OH).  4 minutes left in the game, Miami (OH) converts.

3:11 – Jeremy Brown with the INT on the sidelines.  Ref calls it incomplete but it will be overturned.  Gator Football!

3:13 – Gives the ball to Gillislee.  Great run.  Hey and guess what?  He didn’t fumble.  Doesn’t matter though…next play….bad snap AGAIN!!!  Pouncey has turned Rick Ankiel and/or Chuck Knoblauch.

3:15 – Brantley throws a lob pass into the endzone for 35 people to catch.  It’s tipped and Chris Rainey catches it.  HURT-ing touchdown!!!  We did hit the extra point though… Woohoo!  Chris Rainey deserves it…asshole touchdown for (rumor has it) a true asshole.

3:17 – The room has a discussion about the 3:30pm games.  I think people are truly more excited about ND/Purdue then the Gator game right now.  Ugly game!!!!

3:20 – It took to the 4th quarter to see Robey and Brantley practicing snaps.  Pouncey might be done at Center.

Game Over.  Gators win.  Thank God it’s over.

Bourbon Meyer won’t be able to do these running diaries all season if the Gators are going to consistently wet the bed.

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4 Responses to Semi-Live Gator Diary for Miami (OH)

  1. Ian G says:

    Exactly WHAT is racist about the spear?

  2. Andy says:

    What happened to the mention of the Miami (Ohio) player pitching the ball to the referee as a lateral? Instead of a replay of the foul up they showed FSU scoring. Who cares about that. The pitch to the ref was golden.

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