Guest Post from “The Unsportsmanlike Gentleman”. He can be found on twitter as well, @UnsportsmanGent.
We all know Will Muschamp is an intense guy, but just how intense? This meter will help you gauge his intensity throughout the season.
Level 1: Calm, but extremely alert. Can hear photosynthesis occurring. Can see air. Looking for someone to try him. Hasn’t had his coffee yet.
When is he this intense: Sleeping, eating breakfast, reading the paper, taking questions from the media, staring matches, ordering food, fishing.
Levels 2-3: Excited. Frightens his children when congratulating them. “WAY TO GO, JACKSON! YOU KNOCKED THAT OUT OF THE PARK! DON’T CRY, SON! THIS IS HOW I CLAP! I’M SO GODDAMN PROUD OF YOU, BOY!” Also, how he looks killing a fly.
When is he this intense: Kids little league games, watching game film, making a sandwich, duck hunting.
Levels 4-6: Just getting warmed up. Does some screaming exercises. Yells ten BOOM MOTHERFUCKERs into a mirror. Moving into his comfort zone. Really needs to hit something.
When is he this intense: Opening kickoff, eating a steak, anytime he hears Creedence Clearwater Revival’s “Fortunate Son”, boar hunting.
Levels 7-8: A fist-tornado warning has been issued for the Gainesville area. A fist-tornado was spotted touching down near Ben Hill Griffin Stadium. This fist-tornado is capable of producing high winds, knuckles of fury, spittle, and extreme pain. Seek shelter in the middle of your home.
When is he this intense: Defense allows more than zero points, Watching MMA, taking a dump, playing Monopoly, buck hunting.
Level 9: Spontaneous cranial bleeding. Not a single fuck is given.
When is he this intense: After losses, lion hunting.
Level 10: Total adrenaline overload. Levitation achieved. Blissful rage. His “Happy Place”. Orgasm imminent.
When is he this intense: Rivalry games, sex, hunting the deadliest game–man.
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im a wvu fan and came across this….thats pretty funny stuff…..the bleeding thing made me laugh outloud….so did his taking a dump being at a high level of intensity (terrible mental pic but funny nonetheless)
Brilliant! My buddy linked this on Facebook, and I am so glad I clicked it.
“This fist-tornado is capable of producing high winds, knuckles of fury, spittle, and extreme pain.”
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I love this. Laugh-out-loud-hard-funny.
But:
I am SO GLAD he is our coach.
(Smarter than Meyer, more intense than Spurrier: he will be HATED.
There will be blood.)
Boom Mofo!
My gator buddy posted this to Facebook. I am a huge Nole. This had me rolling…
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To be fair, I also get Level 6 intense while eating steak.
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Check out the Muschamp Stare. Hilarious. You can get a shirt to scare the crap out of our opponents here… http://bourbonmeyer.spreadshirt.com
GO GATORS!!!
Dude, that was funny
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Note to Jeremy-
Get a gene sample now.
Don’t lose Steves’
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your coach went to Georgia
you will lose next weekend
gators suck
I coached him as a player at Ga. and he played and practiced the same way. I really love him. he will win at Fla. Don’t try to underatand him, just love him.
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Hey Florida,
Thanks for doing me a solid and hiring Muschump to coach your team. Blowing yesterday’s 17-3 lead, combined with the departure of Demps and Rainey, and few recruits in sight, I can safely say I’m going to own this clown until you replace him in a fit of desperation with someone even worse.
XOXO,
CMR
P.S. I just had an idea. Maybe you can promote Weis to be your HC! Give him a big contract like Notre Dame did, one that’s almost impossible to get out of. I’d like to make this one a Dawg Decade.
Hey Mr. Richt,
LOL!
xoxo,
Florida
Sorry about the game bro.
-M. Richt
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Muschamp has been a very lucky coach in 2012. He caught A&M early, his players played over their head against LSU….FSU remains ACC caliber….lets face it, blocking a punt against Lafayette hyphen Louisiana….scoring late against Jacksonville State to make it 23-0…these are the games that fans should be concerned. To win National Championships, one must play at a high level, well-prepared EVERY game. The Gators have talent….not sure having a lunatic as a HC makes for Champions…..UF could have done better….way better, and eventually they will. Go Gators!
Wow…Muschamp is a lunatic? You will get zero support here for that comment. We love Muschamp. Thanks for commenting though.
Oh, 1 more thing…..why are all these pictures of him as the DC at Texas? Just askin’.
Very simple. This post was created in August 2011, before he had coached a single game at Florida.